Gollum wants friend. We're very skinny, we are. Not much meat on our bones. Not much meat down here anyway. Mustn't be bothered by our dark, smelly cave. Not much sun here, no place for Gollum to sun tan. Our skinses is very pale. We don't look so good. Not the healthiest thing there is down here. We talk to each other to pass time. He won't go away. Scary, he is, but he keeps me company.
We likeses jewelry, particularly rings. No thieves will be accepted. I don't like thieves and bad Bilboses! He steal precious! Then he escaped with precious! It was ours! OURS! But he meant no harm. NO! He is evil!
...If you have background in psychiatric help, it would be very much appreciated.
Must have pulses and brain. No goblins allowed! Scary, scary things, they are. We don't like goblins! Hobbits are nice. They can cook! We haven't had a decent meal in a long time. Femaleses would be preferable. We like riddles very much. In fact, when you apply, you must answer riddle to win! We learned new tricks now! SHHH! Gollum mustn't say! HE MUSTN'T SAY!
We like chubby ones, we do. Little Hobbits, we like. Fat, chubby and hairy, they are. He mustn't trick Gollum, no, he mustn't. Gollum would like it if they can take pictureses. Not much of us can take pictures down here. YES WE CAN! NO WE CAN'T! We wants photographer. We're trying to beginses our model career. We have thought about hair styling but we don't want others to steal our hair style! Mr. Bilboses! WE'LL GET YOU!
Contact us at: bilbo-is-a-0ildo@caveland.com
or
Number: 555-874-RING
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