“Are you-?” asked Jay.
“I’m fine” answered Jenny while she frantically packed her school bag as if she wanted to form a distraction. The last thing Jenny wanted to do was make eye contact. The bell rang.
Jenny threw her bag over her shoulder, slammed her locker shut and began walking down the hallway. Jay followed; he wasn’t going to let her leave without getting an answer. He was worried, to say the least. Jenny had been acting strange lately, like something wasn’t right. Jay grabbed her shoulder and then realizing being rough wouldn’t help loosened his grip.
“Listen, if there’s anything bothering you-“
“No! I’m fine, ok? Just go home,” Jenny wiggled her way out of his grip.
She walked away fast, almost running, and didn’t look back.
“It’s malignant,” the doctor put up the MRI on the screen. “We could start treatment but it would only slow it down.”
Jenny’s mom wiped away her tears with her scrunched up Kleenex. Her dad laid his hand on her shoulder to calm her down. Jenny felt dead. No tears. No words. As if the tumor had already killed her. What do you say to the person that tells you they can’t help you? The person that tells you you’re going to die? What do you tell your parents? Your friends?
“…metastasis. Which basically means it’s spreading, fast.”
Jenny sat there, waiting for the good news she knew was never going to come. Her head yelled, why me, why me, while her mouth stayed closed; silent. The same way it will be once she’s dead. Forever silent.
A list, she thought, I’ll write a list of things I want to do before I die.
It was ironic, really. Jenny almost never goes through with things. All her life she’s lived by the rules, done what she was told. Now she was just meant to do what she wanted? Ignore all advice and just go by it? She could say she wants to go sky diving, but would she really go through with it? Would she just chicken out and run away? Could she really let herself die like that?
What was she going to do?
Jay looked over at Jenny. She was staring at the ground. He hadn’t seen her smile for few days now. Jay ripped out a piece of paper from his note pad. He scribbled something on it, scrunched it up and threw it over at Jenny. Jay watched as she opened it, read what it said, wrote something underneath and threw it back to him. He opened it and saw a dull “hi”. He knew she only responded like that when she didn’t want to talk. He’d ask her about it after school.
The machine made that awful noise. That consistent annoying beep. Over and over again. She was hooked up to 2 different monitors. If either stopped, they would know.
Jenny looked at herself in the mirror; her bald head, her pale skin. It was killing her and she knew it. She was going to spend her last days in this bed. She couldn’t stand the thought of it. Living the rest of her days being tested again and again with no definitive results. Just theories on what the tumor could be, what it could be doing to her and how long she has until it sucks the life out of her. Jenny looked at her list. Something she was never going to do. She was staying here. She was dying here.
Jenny wanted out. Her aching head throbbed as she tried to stand up.
“What are you doing out of bed?” Her mother had caught her and laid her back into the bed.
I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to be here when it happens.” Jenny’s mom could hear the hopelessness in her voice. Her mind raced to find something to tell her daughter that it would be OK. How could you tell someone it was going to be OK when you know as much as they do it really wasn’t?
Jenny had told her parents to go home and rest for the afternoon. “I’m not going anywhere” she had joked. Jay went over to the hospital instead. He brought her chocolates and a DVD; he didn’t want to bring her flowers, it was too normal, too sad.
“It’s your favorite movie,” Jay whispered as if he didn’t want to interrupt what the machines were saying.
“Thanks,” Jenny shot him a small, quite smile.
“So how’s the food here?” Jay wanted to distract her, keep her mind off the tumor.
“Oh it’s great! I recommend the jello,” she answered sarcastically.
“Good! Then I’m going to run down to the cafeteria and get each of us a cup of jello!” He smiled and walked out the door. Jay jumped down the steps, thinking of all the wonderful conversations he and Jenny would have.
The short beeping stopped and became solid, long, dead.
Doctors and nurses rushed into the room, charging the paddles, but the beeping stayed the same.
“Time of death, 3:23 pm” the doctor called it. Nothing anyone could do now. No one was there. Her parents were at home and Jay was walking back up the stairs, jello in hand.
He walked in. The doctors turned to look at him. No words had to be said, Jay knew what this meant. The jello fell to the ground and all he could do was hold her. She was gone. Dead. Silent.
“I’m fine” answered Jenny while she frantically packed her school bag as if she wanted to form a distraction. The last thing Jenny wanted to do was make eye contact. The bell rang.
Jenny threw her bag over her shoulder, slammed her locker shut and began walking down the hallway. Jay followed; he wasn’t going to let her leave without getting an answer. He was worried, to say the least. Jenny had been acting strange lately, like something wasn’t right. Jay grabbed her shoulder and then realizing being rough wouldn’t help loosened his grip.
“Listen, if there’s anything bothering you-“
“No! I’m fine, ok? Just go home,” Jenny wiggled her way out of his grip.
She walked away fast, almost running, and didn’t look back.
“It’s malignant,” the doctor put up the MRI on the screen. “We could start treatment but it would only slow it down.”
Jenny’s mom wiped away her tears with her scrunched up Kleenex. Her dad laid his hand on her shoulder to calm her down. Jenny felt dead. No tears. No words. As if the tumor had already killed her. What do you say to the person that tells you they can’t help you? The person that tells you you’re going to die? What do you tell your parents? Your friends?
“…metastasis. Which basically means it’s spreading, fast.”
Jenny sat there, waiting for the good news she knew was never going to come. Her head yelled, why me, why me, while her mouth stayed closed; silent. The same way it will be once she’s dead. Forever silent.
A list, she thought, I’ll write a list of things I want to do before I die.
It was ironic, really. Jenny almost never goes through with things. All her life she’s lived by the rules, done what she was told. Now she was just meant to do what she wanted? Ignore all advice and just go by it? She could say she wants to go sky diving, but would she really go through with it? Would she just chicken out and run away? Could she really let herself die like that?
What was she going to do?
Jay looked over at Jenny. She was staring at the ground. He hadn’t seen her smile for few days now. Jay ripped out a piece of paper from his note pad. He scribbled something on it, scrunched it up and threw it over at Jenny. Jay watched as she opened it, read what it said, wrote something underneath and threw it back to him. He opened it and saw a dull “hi”. He knew she only responded like that when she didn’t want to talk. He’d ask her about it after school.
The machine made that awful noise. That consistent annoying beep. Over and over again. She was hooked up to 2 different monitors. If either stopped, they would know.
Jenny looked at herself in the mirror; her bald head, her pale skin. It was killing her and she knew it. She was going to spend her last days in this bed. She couldn’t stand the thought of it. Living the rest of her days being tested again and again with no definitive results. Just theories on what the tumor could be, what it could be doing to her and how long she has until it sucks the life out of her. Jenny looked at her list. Something she was never going to do. She was staying here. She was dying here.
Jenny wanted out. Her aching head throbbed as she tried to stand up.
“What are you doing out of bed?” Her mother had caught her and laid her back into the bed.
I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to be here when it happens.” Jenny’s mom could hear the hopelessness in her voice. Her mind raced to find something to tell her daughter that it would be OK. How could you tell someone it was going to be OK when you know as much as they do it really wasn’t?
Jenny had told her parents to go home and rest for the afternoon. “I’m not going anywhere” she had joked. Jay went over to the hospital instead. He brought her chocolates and a DVD; he didn’t want to bring her flowers, it was too normal, too sad.
“It’s your favorite movie,” Jay whispered as if he didn’t want to interrupt what the machines were saying.
“Thanks,” Jenny shot him a small, quite smile.
“So how’s the food here?” Jay wanted to distract her, keep her mind off the tumor.
“Oh it’s great! I recommend the jello,” she answered sarcastically.
“Good! Then I’m going to run down to the cafeteria and get each of us a cup of jello!” He smiled and walked out the door. Jay jumped down the steps, thinking of all the wonderful conversations he and Jenny would have.
The short beeping stopped and became solid, long, dead.
Doctors and nurses rushed into the room, charging the paddles, but the beeping stayed the same.
“Time of death, 3:23 pm” the doctor called it. Nothing anyone could do now. No one was there. Her parents were at home and Jay was walking back up the stairs, jello in hand.
He walked in. The doctors turned to look at him. No words had to be said, Jay knew what this meant. The jello fell to the ground and all he could do was hold her. She was gone. Dead. Silent.
54 - Hope you like reading.
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